Danny Amor's Online Library/Danny Amor's Online Library - Volume 1.iso/html/faqs/alt/fan/howard-stern

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From: [e-mail] (Nick Simicich)
Subject: [alt.fan.howard-stern] FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions about Howard Stern, Monthly Posting
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Archive-name: howard-stern/faq

On November 28th, this FAQ was modified to comment on Howard's
internet access.


This newsgroup was formed so that fans of Howard Stern can discuss the
happenings on the show, the comings and goings, and other activities
of Howard Stern.  Some folks don't like Howard Stern.  We know that.
You don't have to take time out of your busy schedule to tell us that.
The answer here is the same as Howard's answer: If you don't like it,
turn the dial, switch bands, change the station, find another
newsgroup.  In particular, we recognize that there are many tastes and
many other radio personalities.  If you have a personality you really
like, do what I did with Howard: Start a fan group for them.  Leave us
out of it.

Frequently asked questions about Howard Stern:

1.  Who is Howard Stern?  (Frequently heard from NONUS folks.)
1a. Howard Stern is a radio personality.  He came to national
    attention in the USA while working in New York, and currently
    resides there.  He also had a syndicated TV show, and an interview
    show on the E Network (a US Based cable channel), which was
    recently nominated for a cable 'Ace' award.  Currently, E carries
    a half hour edited version of his radio program, but with
    pictures.  His New Years Rotten Eve PPV event (New Year's Eve
    1993-New Year's Day 1994) was the highest grossing non-sports
    event ever recorded.

    He is frequently labeled a 'shock jock'.  Your immediate thought
    might be, "Oh, like xxxxxx (insert name of local shock jock in
    wherever you are)."  No, xxxxxx is like Howard Stern.  Howard has
    been around for years, he is well known, and chances are that this
    week xxxxxx is doing whatever Howard was doing last week.  If
    xxxxxx has the balls.  And more and more people, throughout the
    country, are finding this out, as they watch his show, or listen
    to him in syndication.

    Howard has made many TV appearances, including multiple
    appearances on Jay Leno's Tonight Show, and The David Letterman
    Show, as well as a smattering of the daytime talk shows.

2.  What station does Howard Stern's TV show play on in my area? Or, I
    heard that Howard's show was cancelled.  Is it true?
2a. Howard's original TV show was in reruns, and is now off of the air.
    Depending on who you listen to, it was cancelled, or Howard quit.
    I personally believe (and heard this version, once, on-the-air)
    that WWOR Channel 9 wanted Howard to do it for the same money he
    got the prior year, and Howard wanted a bigger budget and more
    money.  Channel 9 folks decided that they couldn't give Howard
    more money *and* make any money on the show, they wanted to cut
    the budget.  So Channel 9 executives wanted to put themselves in a
    good light by claiming that they fired Howard and made such an
    announcement.

    If you get the E Network on cable or satellite, you should now be
    able to get Howard's edited radio show.  Unfortunately, I don't.
    Neither does Howard.

3.  No, I can't take it.  I have to have Howard on my TV.  Is there
    any way?
3a. No, other than the E! show, or swapping old videotapes.  E! is on
    at least one of the new 18" dish services, so if your cable
    company doesn't carry E at night, you may be able to get his show
    that way.  Check on this yourself before spending $700 to get a
    dish, and IRD.  As of November 28th, 1994, you can still call
    1-800-52-STERN and order a copy of the backstage tape of the New
    Year's Rotten Eve PPV.

4.  Where can Howard be received on the Radio?
4a. Currently, he broadcasts, daily, from WXRK, K-Rock, 92.3 FM from
    New York City.  This signal is good enough to cover most of New
    York City and the surrounding areas.  This signal is simulcast in
    Philadelphia (WYSP-FM, 94.1), Baltimore (on WJFK-AM 1300), and
    Washington, DC (WJFK-FM, 106.7 FM, actually from Manassas, VA, so
    the signal may not be good in the northern suburbs), and is
    simulcast in LA and then rebroadcast on tape delay when morning
    drive starts.  The LA times and frequency are: 97.1 FM KLSX from 3
    to 6am live, and then tape delayed from 6 to 11am.  The LA
    rebroadcast is extra long because they insert (yech) traffic
    reports and local stuff.

    Howard's show is still spreading.  He is in Las Vegas (KFBI),
    Cleveland (WNCX 98.5), Dallas (KEGL, 97.1), and Chicago (but no
    longer).  There is also 103.9 FM (Q104 - WQBK) in Albany, and
    Rochester, NY (WQRI 95.1).  Howard claims that many more stations
    would carry him but for the FCC's vendetta against him, and has
    specifically mentioned Jesse Helms and Atlanta.  Note that WLUP
    settled with the FCC and paid a reduced fine.  As part of the
    settlement, the FCC has agreed to issue specific indecency
    guidelines.  According to rumors, any settlement of this sort may
    have been another violation of the contract they signed with
    Infinity and Howard.

    WWKB from Buffalo, NY (1520 AM) carries Howard starting at 6 AM
    Eastern Time.  This is a 50,000 Watt clear channel station, and
    reception reports seem good.  In the winter, before dawn local
    time and Buffalo time, look for him there.

    Howard is on in New Orleans, on station WRNO-FM at 99.5.

    In Boston, Howard is on 104.1 WCBN from 7 PM until the show ends.

    Myrtle Beach (WYAV - 104.1) was graced with Howard's presense
    recently, and folks in the South San Francisco bay area can get
    Howard on KOME in San Jose, mornings.

    El Paso, Texas (KAMZ 93.1), and now, Orlando, Florida "Real Radio"
    (WBCN-104.1) (I'm goin to Disneyworld!) are recent additions.  And
    finally, the one that really matters to me, since I live in Boca
    Raton now: 105.9 WBGG "Howard Stern in the morning, 70's rock all
    day", which comes booming in all through Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, as
    far south as the Northern Keys, and as far north as West Palm
    Beach.  I'd also expect coverage in the nearer Bahama islands,
    such as Bimini and Freeport, at least with a roof antenna.  So now
    Howard has two foreign markets: Canada and The Bahamas.  And, most
    likely, Cuba.

    Howard is not on shortwave unless someone is pirating his stuff.
    AM is Medium Wave (MW) for you nonus folks.

    Finally, you may be able to get Howard on cable.  Several of these
    stations have satellite uplinks (including WXRK) and your cable
    company may rebroadcast them on the FM band, perhaps at a
    different frequency.  I understand, for example, that in San
    Diego, Daniel's Cablevision rebroadcasts the LA station that
    carries Howard at 98.5.  Consult your cable company for
    information about hooking your FM receiver to your cable.

    For a much better station list including call-in numbers and so
    forth, check out this url:
    file://krishna.cs.umd.edu/pub/stern/stationlist.txt

5.  I'm not in any of those places.  Is there a satellite feed for
    WXRK?
5a. No, not that can be picked up with consumer equipment.  WXRK used
    to be broadcast by SCPC on Hughes Galaxy 2 channel 03, at about
    57.5, according to Mark Geyman.  WXRK's uplink is now in digital
    form, and can't be received as SCPC anymore.

    This is the best info I have about decoding Howard's satellite
    feed, and is pure hearsay:

    Here is something I saw on rec.video.satellite recently:

      Well if you work at a radio station, and have an extra selector on
      your sedat card your not using, you can pick up Stern on Satcom C5
      Transponder 23 SEDAT channel 15.  Stern airs from 6a to Noon I
      believe.

      I've seen another posting saying that it is channel 14.

    I have also heard that the company that makes these decoders will
    sell one to anyone, and I've heard that it is not scrambled, just
    encoded, so with the right $4000? $10000? decoder, and a dish, you
    can pick Howard up.  Ask on one of the satellite groups.  There is
    some difference of opinion as to whether you just need the
    decoder, or whether you also need to pay WXRK for a key to their
    feed.  I've heard both on the net.  Find out for sure before you
    invest.

6.  How can one be expected to figure out who is who among the
    regulars on the show?
6a. Listen for a while.  Want to take a shortcut?  Here is an effort
    to explain:

    Howard Stern - The head of the asylum.  The ruler of the roost,
    the King on NY Radio, and All Media, and other points.

    Robin Quivers - Howard's sidekick.  Officially his news reporter,
    she is also the confidant and instigator in many cases, and also
    (occasionally) feeds him lines from the privacy of her news
    studio.  She has a button on her console that she can push so that
    her microphone is directly connected to Howard's headphones, and
    she isn't heard by guests or listeners.  Her news reports normally
    consist of reading the paper, and a few things that are put
    together by her interns.  None the less, the news reports are
    frequently the most entertaining part of the show, as Howard
    comments on everything.  Robin happens to be black.  On Whoopi
    Goldberg's first live appearance on the show, Whoopi looked at
    Robin, did a double take, and mouthed so that she couldn't be
    heard on the air, "You're Black!"  Robin looked at herself, and
    nodded agreement.  Whoopi pointed at the microphone, and mouthed,
    "Do they know?"

    Fred Norris, King of Mars - Fred handles sound effects (paints)
    and also keeps the show on schedule.  When Howard started
    broadcasting in NY, frequently he would just push off the
    commercials for an hour.  Now that they are syndicated, he has to
    take breaks at regular intervals.  Fred cracks the whip.  He is on
    the writing team.  Fred also does voices for the occasional (these
    days) radio 'movie' and as the Nazi in the 'Guess who's the Jew'
    bits.  Fred also does song parodies, and is a reasonably talented
    musician.  He is now in a band.  Robin frequently reads extremely
    gory, tragic news stories, and Fred will play a sound effect of
    Jackie laughing at the most tragic point.

    Jackie The Jokeman Martling - Jackie is a comic who never quite
    made it big, notably because his standup isn't very good IMHO.  He
    writes full time for the Howard Stern show, and makes a fair bit
    of money doing local appearances as well, pushed by plugs from the
    show.  One wonders when he sleeps.  Maybe during the show.  He has
    incessant problems with his fingernails and toenails.  You may
    hear references to 'fingercots' in connection with Jackie.  A
    while back, it was announced that this was because he uses
    medication for fingernail fungus on his fingers which he holds in
    place with fingercots, which look like miniature condoms, and are
    essentially independent latex fingers from latex gloves with
    circular rims, like condoms, to reinforce the open end.  More
    recently, I've heard it announced that it was because he is
    allergic to paper, and since he needs to handle paper on the show
    (to throw at guests and pass notes to Howard).  +1 516 922 WINE
    gets you a schedule of his upcoming appearances, and it is a
    normal toll call (no 900 style surcharge) but has a few ads, and a
    few jokes.  There is more than 30 minutes of material on the new
    all-digital line.  He is also on the writing team, as the head
    writer.  Jackie gets two plugs a day, by contract, and also,
    because of his contract, you didn't see his face on the E show,
    although this seems to have been resolved.  Jackie will sell you
    his latest comedy album by phone.  Call 1-800-323-KING.

    Gary (Baba Booey) Dell'Abate - The show's producer.  He arranges
    guests, insures that the office part of the show gets done, and so
    forth.  For those of you who've read Gulliver, he is also Howard's
    chief flapper - he is generally the one who makes the judgment as
    to whether or not someone speaks to Howard when they call up with
    a beef.  He is called Baba Booey after his mispronunciation of
    Baba Looey, Quick Draw McGraw's sidekick on the Hanna-Barbera
    cartoon show.  He was buying animation cels, and didn't know how
    to pronounce the name of the character, despite professing fandom.
    Gary does occasional personal appearances, for which he gets
    plugs.  Gary is married.  Despite predictions, some of them mine,
    he is still Baba Booey.  He was making noise about registering
    Bababooey as a trademark recently.  He is famous for the 'repeat
    after me' bit.  These days, he is also 'Fa-fa'fooey,
    sa-sa-smelley, ra-ra-retard (which he hates) and so forth.  He
    recently fathered a baby booey, named Jackson.

    John (Stuttering John) Melandez - Hero of the stupid.  He is paid
    in notoriety [supposedly he is now getting a salary] (he gets to
    plug his band appearances and occasional personal appearances, and
    has gotten a record contract because of his connections.  John has
    been signed by Atlantic Records). and is typically sent out to
    interview celebrities.  The questions are all prepared, but
    sometimes he gets to adlib.  John's record contract has produced
    an album, which actually isn't that bad.  You should be able to
    pick up "Stuttering John" at your record store.  If you want an
    autographed copy, you can dial +1-201-942-OUCH.

    Scott the Engineer - mixes tapes, inserts the bleeps so that you
    can still hear the cursing in the background, and is hapless when
    it comes to fixing the console.  He is employed by WXRK as Chief
    Engineer, and he is in the Union.  He is making additional money
    because he gets a daily plug, which he has used to build up a DJ
    business/network.  He has a number of DJ's who work for him and
    provide canned music for parties, weddings (Gary was married and
    used Scott's service, Rocket Entertainment) and so forth.  This is
    good, because Scott smokes like a chimney and I wouldn't want him
    at one of my parties. +1-718-BAG-5040.

    Gorilla (Steve Grillo, but they call him Gorilla on the show) is an
    intern who wants to be a radio personality someday, but who first
    needs to learn how to talk in English.

    We almost never hear about Robin's news interns.

    Billy West, the voice of Ren and Stimpy, does three days a week on
    Howard's show, doing various voices.  I believe, for example, that
    he did Marge Shott (see the sound archive) and does 'Red', and
    'Evil Jay'.  Billy adds a lot to the show, but rarely speaks as
    himself.  When he does, he seems to be funnier than Jackie.  His
    impression of Larry Fine at Woodstock is classic.

    Stuttering Vic is a new character on the show.  He is of Indian
    (the subcontinent) ancestry, and has admitted on the show that his
    mother has worn a dot on her head.  Howard appears to be grooming
    Vic to take over John's interviewing Job, but so far, IMHO, Vic
    doesn't appear to get it.

    Ralph Cirella is Howard Stern's hairdresser, makeup man, and so
    forth.  He chooses clothes for Howard (or has done so in the past)
    and generally follows him around.  He is known for his
    haplessness, long hair, the berry on his face, and for generally
    being a loser.

    The 'Whack Pack' consists of Stern fans who (sometimes) hang
    around together, occasionally get on the show, and so forth.
    These include people like Fred the Elephant Boy, who has a speech
    impediment, Captain Janks, who makes phony phone calls, Celeste,
    who dragged one leg, Siovhan (pronounced chivonne or [almost]
    chiffon) the transvestite, who has quit crossing over and is now
    squatting in a New York City owned building, Kenneth Keith
    Kallenbach, a loon who tried to blow smoke from his eyes on the TV
    show, and so forth.  Some of these folks have tried to parlay
    their notoriety into careers: Janks has an CD of phony phone
    calls out, Fred makes appearances with wrestlers, KKK is trying to
    get a comedy career together, and so forth.  The Whack Pack is not
    as popular as it once was, but we still hear from Fred and Janks
    frequently.

7.  How can you listen to someone who is as racist/homophobic/anti
    woman/etc. as Howard Stern?
7a. You just don't get it, do you?  Howard is none of those things, in
    spades: He is an equal opportunity denigrator.  Sooner or later he
    will kick one of your sacred cows in the balls, to mix metaphors
    in an udderly improbable manner.  But he is still very funny.
    Someone on this newsgroup once said that a lot of Howard's humor
    comes from the sort of attitude that says, "Look at all of this
    crap in the world around us!  Isn't it wierd?  Isn't it funny?
    Sit in our circle and we'll let you in on the joke."  Well, some
    of us think that we get the joke.

8.  Is Howard Stern half Jewish?
8a. Definitely.  The question is, what is the other half?  We have to
    differentiate between the persona that Howard plays on the radio,
    and the real Howard.

    According to Howard's radio persona, it is not Jewish, perhaps
    WASP.  The half-Jewish identity may be something that Howard puts
    on so that he can insult both Christians and Jews with impunity.
    However, he is equally free with insults of Muslims, Hindus, etc.
    It may also be something that he does to avoid anti-semitism.

    Some folks on the net believe that the other half is Italian,
    based on something that Howard said a while back.  Others point
    out that you can be a Jewish Italian, so this may have been
    another joke.  The Jewish half and the Italian half may well be
    the same half.

    It is pretty clear based on statements that Howard's sister made
    on the radio that Howard, in Real Life(tm), is Jewish.  Also,
    Howard has recently admitted, on the air, that he is all Jewish,
    and claimed that he was half Jewish to avoid anti-Semitism.

9.  I want to write to Howard and tell him (what a dickhead | how
    wonderful) he is.  What is the address?
9a. His address is:
    The Howard Stern Show
    600 Madison Avenue
    New York, NY 10016

    Particularly vehement and stupid hate letters are likely to
    get read on the air.  Clueless ones well may earn a phone call.

    If you really can't wait, fax him at (212) 759-KFAX.

10. How do I get a copy of "Crucified by the FCC"?  I called
    1-800-52-STERN, and they didn't have a clue.

10a.They never had a clue, but at one time they could take orders for
    the album.  The album hasn't been for sale for quite a while, and
    is now a "collector's item".  This just goes to prove that you
    should always buy every Howard Stern premium offered, immediately.
    The 1-800-52-STERN was in use for Butt Bongo Fiesta, and was then
    in use for for the backstage tape of New Year's Rotten Eve, which
    he swears will soon be turned off.  As soon as everyone in Miami
    buys a copy of the tape.

11. I don't get enough bababooey in the morning.  I want my computer
    to say 'bababooie' instead of beeping at me.  I have a
    Mac/Amiga/Soundblaster/NeXT box that can talk, and I want it to
    talk.

11a.This (alt.fan.howard-stern) is not in the binaries hierarchy.  Of
    course, you can post anything you want.  If various sysops notice
    that this group has become a binaries group, they will treat it
    like one, and those connected by phone line or concerned about
    disk space may not carry it.  As a hint: If your sysop does not
    carry the alt.binaries tree, they are unlikely to carry this group
    if it begins carrying binaries.

    Jeremy A. Moskowitz <[e-mail]> has been doing some
    digitizing, not only of soundbytes, but of whole songs.  These are
    digitized into Amiga .iff format at 11047 samples/sec.  If you are
    on one of these other systems, you will need to figure out how to
    convert the sounds to, say, .wav format if you want to play it
    with the Microsoft Windows multi-media program.  If you are
    interested in same, I'd like to refer you to the
    alt.binaries.sounds.misc FAQ, (may also be available in
    news.answers) which seems to cover this stuff fairly well.
    Briefly, they recommend sox, which you can get on
    wuarchive.wustl.edu.  Or use your nearby archie server.
    (I was able to convert the sounds to .wav format on my Unix box
    by entering the command
    find . -name *.iff -exec sox -r 11047 {} {}.wav \;
    and I got oddly named .wav files that would play on my Linux
    box.)
    Jeremy puts the sounds onto the wuarchive.wustl.edu system in
    directory /systems/amiga/boing/audio/samples/howardstern, which seems
    like a heck of a good place.  The howard.list file describes
    the samples.

    If you do want to post digitized soundbytes, please post them to
    alt.binaries.sounds.misc, or alt.sex.sounds, as appropriate, and
    post here saying that you've done so, and other things about the
    sounds, like maybe what the message ids are or when you posted
    them, or how many parts.  Anything seems to go there.  I've seen
    whole songs posted there in 41 parts.

    Also, Harry has made Stern fans a generous offer.  His words:

    In honor of Howard, I'm willing to offer up my machine as a
    central ftp site for Howard-related items. I'll put the stuff in:

        krishna.cs.umd.edu:pub/stern

    This should provide a more permanent repository than uunet's /tmp.
    I've copied these images here to start things off. I encourage all
    the Stern fans out there to add stuff to this collection. In
    particular, I would like to collect sound bites (like
    "fafafoohee", or Jackie's "tragic news item" laugh, for instance)
    and I'd like to see some gifs scanned in from his book, or maybe
    frames grabbed from Butt Bongo (though the quality on these images
    tends to suck).

    If you have something to download to ftp, send me email and I'll
    tell you how to do this. You won't be able to drop things off
    directly, I'll have to tell you where to put them (to keep the
    world at random from dumping on me).

    This will last as long as it doesn't become a problem. I'd
    appreciate it if you waited until the evening or early morning
    (East Coast time) to get stuff, but unless this becomes a problem
    I'm not going to worry about it too much.
   -harry
   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spoken: Harry Mantakos   Domain: [e-mail]      UUCP: uunet!mimsy!harry
Phone: [phone]      USPS: U of Maryland, CS Dept., College Park, MD 20742


    Harry already has the soundbytes above and a couple of .gifs, and
    a copy of sox to convert sounds to different formats, and some
    other stuff.

    Web users can try the following url:
       http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/
    or, if krishna's web server is down,
       file://krishna.cs.umd.edu/pub/stern

    Another Howard Stern page is:
       http://force.stwing.upenn.edu:8001/~jruspini/stern/stern.html

    If anyone knows of any other Howard Stern URL's, please email me
    at [e-mail].

12. I can't believe it.  Do people really strip naked in Howard's
    studio, or is it a put on?  Is it theatre of the mind, or is it
    really happening?

12a.According to Mark Levy, yes they do.  And I have it on good
    authority that Howard drinks Poland Spring water (Take that,
    Georgia!).   (Note that both of these items can be seen, somewhat
    edited, on the E! show.)

    Additionally, if you can get a copy of the New Year's Eve Pageant,
    there was a fair amount of 'getting naked in the studio' footage
    there.

    I believe that some percentage of the folks who call in are bogus,
    but they are putting Howard on at the same time they are putting
    us on.

13. Why is is when Howard says mini-system in that ad, that everyone
    responds (exaggerating mini-).

13a.A number of years ago, there was a comedian who regularly appeared
    on the Howard Stern radio show called Crazy Jerry, who used to do
    'impersonations' in a flat voice, the most famous of which is,
    "This is Mother Theresa speaking from the bed.  God don't want me
    yet, man, I got more feet to taste."  Crazy Jerry brought in a
    'mentally challenged' girl who had a speech impediment who used to
    do the 'gina dance' (figure it out) and, when she quit appearing,
    brought in a guy who did the 'peepee dance'.  I suspect, from
    things alluded to by Howard, that he has agreed not to replay any
    of those shows, since he was convinced that the girl, especially,
    didn't really want to do this stuff, but was convinced by Jerry
    although she wasn't competent to make the decision.

    The mini-skirt, gina dance, peepee dance, and "I love you, Jerry,"
    all came from this response stuff that was done between Crazy
    Jerry and his sidekicks.


    (Note that this is my memory talking.  There is another version of
    this story in another faq which the author claims to have tape
    backup for, so they are likely right.  I still like my version
    better.  Here is the other version, verbatim:)

Q. What do you know about Gina (rhymes with Carolina) Girl?
A. In  late 1988 this woman called up Howard saying she loves him and
        she does the 'Gina dance. Howard sensed quickly that this
        woman was a little "off" and he asked her if so- she said she's
        not retarded, just "slow".  She came down to the studio with
        Crazy Jerry, who was not her boyfriend but more of a companion.
        Well she did the Gina dance, laying down naked on the floor,
        but almost no one really saw it - Howard and even Jackie
        averted their eyes because she was too heavy to be appealing.
        About that time Rain Man had been a hit movie, so Howard called
        up Gina Girl again and got her to say some lines for his new
        radio movie "China Girl," starring out of the closet Stern.
        It was in this movie that she uttered the words made famous,
        "mini-dress" (usually at the same time as saying "naked dance")
        Howard was trying to fix up Steve Rossi and Gina Gina Girl but I
        don't think it ever happened.
        I have this all on tape and that's why I can give you this detail.

        All the attribution I have on this is: testnet![e-mail]

14. What about Howard's book?  Is it any good?  Can I get mine signed?

14a.Yes, Howard Stern has a book out, called "Howard Stern's Private
    Parts".  IMHO, and in the opinion of a number of reviewers, it is
    actually a worthwhile piece of literature.  As I write this, it
    completes its second week as #1 on the New York Times best seller
    list, entering the list at #1.  Howard says that he wrote it, but
    he freely gives credit to a collaborator (an essay about this
    appears in the book) and to his editor (who moved into his house).
    There is no doubt that this is a collective effort and I believe
    that, unlike some celebrity books, Howard did a significant amount
    of work on the book personally, using the professionals to help
    him plan and polish.  I believe that it was a successful effort as
    well.

    There were a number of book signings.  It looks like there will be
    no more for the hardback (but there were some for the paperback,
    but those have come to an end as well).  Howard attracted a record
    number of people to his Wall Street, NY signing (where I got mine
    signed, and was on FOX 5 news that night having it signed), and
    signed a record number of books, the previous record being held by
    Mohammed Ali, the boxer.  The problem was that the crowd was too
    hard to manage (according to the police), and the police wouldn't
    let him sign for as long as he needed to.  It sounds like a new
    record was set in LA.  8000 books.

    Personally, if I hadn't had mine signed, I'd mail it to the show,
    with a pleading letter, and a check for $25 (since that was what
    he offered a signature to the paraplegic from Cleveland for) as
    well as a self-addressed, postage paid mailer.  At best, they will
    sign it and send it back, and at worst they will keep it (which is
    what they threatened to do when they still thought that they could
    have managable book signings) and you'll have to buy another copy.

    Now, Howard has put out a paperback version of the book, with 64
    new pages (but only 4-5 pages of new writing), two different
    covers, and --- new book signing dates.  This is an event not to
    be missed, if you are anywhere in the area.  Take the day off,
    take the day before off, plan on camping in line, bring a plastic
    bag for your book.  These paperback signings seem to have stopped,
    but there is always hope that there will be another one.

    Movie rights have been sold, and a movie is in the works.  The
    screen play has been through one rewrites and the planned
    director, John Avildson, has quit.

    Do not confuse this with the paperback book titled Howard Stern,
    Big Mouth, by Jeff Menell.  Make up your own mind, but IMHO, this
    isn't worth wasting your money on.

15. I'm looking for a BBS related to Howard Stern.

15a.Dimnah BBS [phone] has the Washington area's "only Howard Stern
    conference.  Also includes a Howard Stern fanclub.  .gifs and .bmps are
    available through the users."

    Also, Off Our Rockers BBS [phone].  Please download some
    gifs, according to one poster.

    Howard Stern BBS (free) was also mentioned recently in the newsgroup.
    1-718-449-4534

    Several commercial services have Howard Stern areas there,
    including GEnie.

16. What about all these other FAQs I see here?

16a.I think they are a great idea.  More power to them.  Between all
    of the FAQs, we'll get the Stern info to the masses. :-) If any
    other FAQ owners want to cross post to the answers group, I'll
    restructure this one so that it goes in a subdir and there is room
    for everyone.  (This has been done.  There is room for everyone.
    It isn't that hard to make your FAQ into a first class FAQ.  Read
    the news.answers faq for how to crosspost there and to have your
    faq stored on rtfm.mit.edu.)  The most notable of these is the UFAQ
    (Unauthorized FAQ is an oxymoron, as no one authorizes a FAQ) which
    you can get by FTP from krishna.cs.umd.edu, as mentioned above.

17. I think that the Daniel Carver stuff is hilarious.  I want to
    hear the KKK line on a weekly basis so that I can laugh my ass off.
    Also, I want to write to Daniel Carver so that I can enourage him to
    appear on Howard more!

17a.It takes all kinds.  The hotline number is said to be (404)
    967-3479. I called the number and it doesn't answer.  Write
    Daniel at P.O. Box 446, Oakwood, GA 30566.

18. Is Howard Stern really running for Governor of New York?

18a.Well, Howard Stern was nominated by the Libertarian Party
    of New York as its candidate for Governor.  He had announced a
    reason for running, and a platform.  The Libertarians are a
    serious party.  They are considered the third largest national
    party, and, as a general political philosophy, believe that any
    coercion by government, except in very limited circumstances, is
    immoral.

    However, it has been reported that Howard's lawyer has testified
    that Howard is doing this only as a publicity stunt, and
    furthermore, Howard himself has said that he will never comply
    with the financial disclosure requirements of the NYS Election
    laws.  This means that he could never be a candidate, or that if
    he does run, he might be guilty of a crime, and might be
    prosecuted for it.  Draw your own conclusions.

    [As of August 4th, 1994, Howard withdrew as a candidate for
    Governor of New York.  The apparent reason was that he did not
    want to comply with the financial disclosure laws.]

    Following his withdrawal, he endorsed the Republican candidate for
    Governor of New York, George Pataki, who, shortly thereafter,
    proceeded to come from well behind in the polls, and who has won
    the election.  The results indicated that in demographic groups which
    listen to Howard, in Howard's listening areas, last minute shifts
    from 'undecided' to 'Pataki' occurred.

19. Is Howard on the Internet?
19a.Various rumors of various WXRK staff being on various on-line
    services have surfaced from time to time.  Robin is said to be on
    Compu$erv, and Gary was/is on Prodigy.  But Howard has recently
    gotten OS/2 Warp, and had activated the Internet Access bonus
    package.  On November 28th 1994, he admitted that he spent four
    hours using the Internet Access package, on the previous Saturday
    night, cruising the web, reading this newsgroup and others, and so
    forth.  It is not clear if he will ever do it again, and he didn't
    give his email address.  He did say that the internet was
    worldwide, and that he looked at a coffeepot in England.  He also
    said that it was 'better than Prodigy because it was uncensored'.
    His comments about the newsgroup were that it was pretty much the
    same sort of idiots who call in to his show.  He also asked us not
    to fax him about his definition of the Internet (which was
    slightly better than his usual mutilation of computer terms.
    Howard may finally be starting to become computer literate).

20. Whatever happened to Jessica Hahn/Pat Cooper/Richard Simmons?
20a.Howard is feuding with them, or they are feuding with Howard.

    Jessica Hahn first achieved notoriety as the rape victim of Jim
    Bakker (a TV Evangelist, who was jailed for financial
    irregularities in his ministry).  Howard called her up while she
    was hiding in her trailer in Long Island, got her in touch with
    some 'people' who made a deal with Playboy for big bucks, and got
    her a life.  For a while, Jessica had a career because of this
    incident, her Playboy exposure, and because she was on the Howard
    Stern Show all of the time, mostly the latter.  Jessica promised
    to be on the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV.  Her boyfriend made her
    not being on the show a condition of continuing their
    relationship.  Jessica backed out and Howard banned her from the
    show.  It is clear to me that Howard does not want her back,
    unless she is willing to provide him 'good radio', which would
    include her doing something personally humiliating.  The
    particular punishment now proposed is that the whole cast would
    pick their noses and collect a large booger, which she would roll
    into a ball and stick to her nose for the duration of her
    appearance.

    Pat Cooper was an old line comedian who cut his teeth in the
    Catskill circuit (borscht belt), and whose career had fallen into
    the toilet because he managed to piss off everyone he had any
    dealings with.  He managed to get an appearance on Howard's show
    and did good radio, and Howard had him back several times.
    Suddenly he was in demand, and his appearances sold out.  Then, he
    decided that Howard had slighted him because he didn't invite him
    to his E! interview show.  Howard pried this out of him via
    telephone, and invited him in, promising to put the footage on the
    new E! show.  In his shortest appearance ever, he walked in to the
    Howard Stern Radio show, blasted everyone on the show, and walked
    out.  It was great radio, and they went on about his appearance
    for two days.  He has an open invitation back on to the show at
    any time.

    Richard Simmons had a career before he got on Howard's show, as an
    exercise and diet guru.  He seemed to have a lot of fun on
    Howard's show, becoming a personal friend of Howard, stopping by
    Howard's house for dinner, giving presents to his children, and so
    forth.  But he had one major character flaw: He was a Barbara
    Streisand fan, and insisted on Howard seeing Prince of Tides with
    him.  He ragged on Howard, on the air, until Howard promised to
    see Prince of Tides with Richard.  But Howard can't abide
    Streisand, and had no intention of seeing Prince of Tides.  This
    was the start, IMHO, of Richard's avoidance of Howard.  Then,
    there was a tabloid report of Richard Simmons allegedly paying a
    bellboy to spank him in his hotel room.  The next time Richard was
    on the Howard Stern show, Howard ragged on Richard about this, and
    wouldn't let it go.  He never really got a true answer from
    Richard, but it was apparent that this affected Simmons, and he
    hasn't ever been back.  A comment made by Gary was that Richard
    wasn't having fun on the show anymore.  I believe that they would
    have Richard Simmons back if he wanted to come back.

21. Does Howard really have a small penis?

21a.How would I know, for sure? (Don't answer that.)  But this is what
    I know about penis size, and what Howard has said, over time, on
    the radio.

    There are two types of men folks in the world: Those whose penises
    enlarge significantly when engorged because of erection, and those
    who do not.  Typically, this does not affect the final, erect size
    of the penis, at least on average.

    Also, typically, this is a genetic thing, and is inherited, and
    may also be associated with race.  Those whose penises do not
    enlarge are at an 'advantage' in the locker room because they look
    larger in the flaccid state, and unless the men with the enlarging
    penises are in a partial state of arousal, they are at a
    disadvantage.

    Howard claims that he is "hung like a raisin".  This is clearly
    part of his persona.  But he has also said, on the air, that it
    gets larger when he is aroused, and has even said that it is
    adequate in size at that time.  We can only, therefore, assume
    that Howard has a small penis when not aroused, and an average
    size penis when aroused.

--
Nick Simicich - [e-mail] - [e-mail]